I hope you’re doing well.
You never intend to lose yourself, you just one day sit or lie down, look at your life, and then you realise you don’t actually know who you are anymore. Not only does your body change, but your outlook on life is completely altered. Even though before I fell pregnant, all I did was nap or occasionally something I really wanted to do, I can’t do that now. As much as I’d love to have just a straight 2 hour nap again, Harlow wouldn’t allow it, and I would rather spend time bonding with her. It takes longer for everyone. I know a few people who are stuck in a rutt even years after they’ve had their children. I’m lucky that I got struck by it so soon, and just 3 months after Harlow, I can get myself out of it.
I’ve started Uni again, and even though I can’t really do it during the day, due to the inconsistency of Harlow’s naps, I do them in the evening/night when Harlow is asleep. I’m determined not to lose myself in that again because I slacked so much when I was pregnant. I’m trying to build up my social life again, by contacting people that I haven’t spoken to in a while. I’m writing a journal again and I’m just spending more free time to be myself and do the things I love. I even started drawing again so I can set up my Facebook page again. It’s been about a year, and that makes me so sad. It makes me realise that I really did lose myself from the second I found out I was pregnant.
I so LOVE spending time with Harlow. It’s incredible watching her little ways as I do my things around the house. I’ve tried to get into the routine myself of talking to her as I do things. I’ve been doing that pretty much since she was born, but I wasn’t really involving her in everything I do. I realised that she LOVES to be involved. She loves watching me clean and randomly talking to myself, and now what’s even better, is that she answers!
All in all, I need to take advantage of Harlow’s naps time, no matter how short they may be. It’s time to start finding myself and doing the things I really enjoy.